It's one of those nights where I have so many thoughts floating in my brain. I want to write, but just don't know where to start. I will try my best to convey my thoughts to you through my writing, but it might be a little scattered--just warning you now if this blog doesn't seem to flow naturally...so...here I go...giving you my best shot...
Wow. What an incredible year 2010 was for me. It is so hard for me to believe that 2011 is already upon us. The other night I was sitting in my room and I began reflecting over this past year. God has taught me so much and has continued to mold me into the person He wants me to become. He has challenged and stretched me in so many different areas of my life. He has held on to me every step of the way and has not let go once. If I had to pick a Bible verse to describe 2010, it would be Psalm 92:4-5.
"You thrill me, LORD, with all you have done for me! I sing for joy because of what You have done. O LORD, what great works You do! And how deep are Your thoughts."
As I was looking back on 2010, it was so cool for me to see where God was at work in my life, even when I didn't realize it. It is incredible to look back and see God's plan for my life unfolding right before me. It is amazing for me to see where God closed some doors, but then opened others. I am in awe of everything God has done for me this year and am completely thankful for every single thing that happened this year. I am thankful for the things that have gone right. I am thankful for the things that I thought had gone bad, only to find out that God meant them for good. I am thankful God got ahold of my heart in new ways and helped me see that things I thought were bad at the time are some of the best things that could have happened to me this year.
In 2011 I want to be known as an encourager. I want to be known as the girl who spoke truth into others' lives. So, I am starting now.
For those of you who had a rough year filled with events that didn't make a whole lot of sense, I want you to know that there is a God who loves you, who pursues you, who desires to be close to you, who has a perfect plan for your life. He has every single step planned out for you and He wants to carry you through those rough times. When things don't make a lot of sense or it feels like one door is being shut right after the other and there seems to be no hope, simply know that God has a plan for your life. Certain situations or events might not make sense right now, but keep sprinting after God, and one day, it will all make more sense. This year I had things happen that didn't make any sense to me, but now, looking back on them, I see that God used something Satan meant for bad, and turned it to good. Don't give up hope. God has His hand on you every step of the way and will never let go of you. My prayer is that Psalm 92:4-5 becomes real to you this year. I pray that God shows himself to you in mighty ways. Hang on to hope. Hang on to HIM.
In this blog, I feel like I could write a novel about what 2010 looked like for me or what happened in my life month by month. But I figured that might be a really boring read. But because I want 2011 to be the year that I truly become an encourager & speaker of truth into others' lives, I want this blog to be a place where YOU, the people that may read this blog, can leave comments with prayer requests. I want to encourage you & pray for you. I want my new year to start off by genuinely caring for people and reaching out to them. I want to be intentional with caring for God's people. So, if you, or someone you know, needs prayer, comment//message//e-mail me those requests. I can't wait to see how God moves through not only my life this next year, but your life as well.
Happy New Year! God bless!!
Monday, December 27, 2010
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Choosing Blessings
I love listening to music. Whether I am getting ready for school in the mornings or driving around town in my car, I have to have music playing. I honestly believe music is one of the many ways God speaks to me and reveals things to me.
The other day, I had my ipod on shuffle and there was one song that I kept playing over and over. It was in this very moment that God began revealing so much to me.
"Let it be said of us that we lived to be a blessing for life."
This one particular part of the song kept sticking out to me. Let it be said of us that we lived to be a blessing for life. This one little sentence in this one song revealed so much to me. This got me thinking. What does it look like for me to live life in such a way that I am living to be a blessing to others? What am I doing in my everyday life that blesses people? Am I blessing people in such a way that makes them want to learn more about Jesus? Am I blessing people to make Jesus famous or to build myself up? There were just so many questions that began to flood my mind. What would it look like if I became aware of all the people around me and became intentional about blessing them? This could be as simple as paying someone's parking meter at the Colvin Center just so they won't get a ticket, or it could simply be showing random acts of kindness to a complete stranger.
"This day, You set life, You set death right before us. This day, every blessing and curse is a choice now and we will choose to be a blessing for life."
That is the other part of the song that really stuck out to me. God places opportunities in front of us every single day. And it is up to us to choose what to do with those opportunities. We can either pour blessings out to people or not. It is our choice. And from this day forward, I am choosing to be a blessing to others.
"...His love was not cautious, but extravagant. He didn't love in order to get something from us, but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that." -Ephesians 5:2
Jesus lived to be a blessing to others. He showed His love to every single person--not just his friends, but even to the people who hated him. He didn't show love to others to get anything in return. He gave everything of himself to love others and be a blessing to them. I want to love like Jesus loved. And for me, that starts off with me learning how to be a blessing to others, whether they are my friends or not. God, change my heart and teach me how to be a blessing to others.
"So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love." -1 Corinthians 13:3
"Let it be said of us that our legacy is blessing for life."
The other day, I had my ipod on shuffle and there was one song that I kept playing over and over. It was in this very moment that God began revealing so much to me.
"Let it be said of us that we lived to be a blessing for life."
This one particular part of the song kept sticking out to me. Let it be said of us that we lived to be a blessing for life. This one little sentence in this one song revealed so much to me. This got me thinking. What does it look like for me to live life in such a way that I am living to be a blessing to others? What am I doing in my everyday life that blesses people? Am I blessing people in such a way that makes them want to learn more about Jesus? Am I blessing people to make Jesus famous or to build myself up? There were just so many questions that began to flood my mind. What would it look like if I became aware of all the people around me and became intentional about blessing them? This could be as simple as paying someone's parking meter at the Colvin Center just so they won't get a ticket, or it could simply be showing random acts of kindness to a complete stranger.
"This day, You set life, You set death right before us. This day, every blessing and curse is a choice now and we will choose to be a blessing for life."
That is the other part of the song that really stuck out to me. God places opportunities in front of us every single day. And it is up to us to choose what to do with those opportunities. We can either pour blessings out to people or not. It is our choice. And from this day forward, I am choosing to be a blessing to others.
"...His love was not cautious, but extravagant. He didn't love in order to get something from us, but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that." -Ephesians 5:2
Jesus lived to be a blessing to others. He showed His love to every single person--not just his friends, but even to the people who hated him. He didn't show love to others to get anything in return. He gave everything of himself to love others and be a blessing to them. I want to love like Jesus loved. And for me, that starts off with me learning how to be a blessing to others, whether they are my friends or not. God, change my heart and teach me how to be a blessing to others.
"So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love." -1 Corinthians 13:3
"Let it be said of us that our legacy is blessing for life."
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
HE Believes in YOU
I have been at Oklahoma State for about three months now. In those three months, God has taught me so much more than I could have ever imagined. He is constantly reminding me of His love for me and is constantly teaching me new lessons. As I sit here and think of all that He has taught me this semester so far, there is one thing that sticks out to me more than any others. This one thing is one simple phrase. He believes in you.
At the beginning of the semester I was feeling so overwhelmed with my classes and basically life in general. Long story short, I felt like I didn't have what it takes to be a P.E. teacher. This was the most frustrating feeling in the world because I knew that God was calling me to be a P.E. teacher. I was so incredibly upset about this. It was in this time of frustration that God revealed one simple sentence to me. "I believe in you." He believes in me. He believes in you.
I can't tell you how much that one simple sentence changed my way of thinking this semester. Even when I doubt myself and think I can't do something, God still believes in me. The God of the universe believes in me. It doesn't matter if other people don't think I can do something. Their opinion doesn't matter, only God's.
There is an old song that comes to mind. It is Aaron Benward's song "He Believes in You." My two favorites parts are below.
"Calm all the whispers in your head, just be still, listen, you will hear, echoing from deep inside, He believes in you and all the dreams you dream of, every hope and prayer you lean on, He will see them through."
"He believes in you no matter how you see yourself, hold on to the unchanging heart of God."
How incredible is that? My God, my Savior, my Father, my Healer, my Friend believes in me. He believes that I have what it takes. He believes in my dreams. He believes in the desires of my heart. He believes in my goals. He believes in me even when I don't. I don't know why I have such a hard time processing this, but I do. I guess it is just that incredible. HE BELIEVES IN ME. and He believes in YOU.
Now when I feel overwhelmed by classes or life and get a feeling that I don't have what it takes to be all that God has called me to be, it's like God whispers "I believe in you" to me at just the right time. Because God believes in me, I'm starting to believe in myself more and more. I'm choosing to believe in what God says and not what others say. I'm choosing to believe that I have what it takes to be all that God has called me to be.
So, for anyone out there who is down and feel like they don't have what it takes, remember this simple statement..."He believes in You."
At the beginning of the semester I was feeling so overwhelmed with my classes and basically life in general. Long story short, I felt like I didn't have what it takes to be a P.E. teacher. This was the most frustrating feeling in the world because I knew that God was calling me to be a P.E. teacher. I was so incredibly upset about this. It was in this time of frustration that God revealed one simple sentence to me. "I believe in you." He believes in me. He believes in you.
I can't tell you how much that one simple sentence changed my way of thinking this semester. Even when I doubt myself and think I can't do something, God still believes in me. The God of the universe believes in me. It doesn't matter if other people don't think I can do something. Their opinion doesn't matter, only God's.
There is an old song that comes to mind. It is Aaron Benward's song "He Believes in You." My two favorites parts are below.
"Calm all the whispers in your head, just be still, listen, you will hear, echoing from deep inside, He believes in you and all the dreams you dream of, every hope and prayer you lean on, He will see them through."
"He believes in you no matter how you see yourself, hold on to the unchanging heart of God."
How incredible is that? My God, my Savior, my Father, my Healer, my Friend believes in me. He believes that I have what it takes. He believes in my dreams. He believes in the desires of my heart. He believes in my goals. He believes in me even when I don't. I don't know why I have such a hard time processing this, but I do. I guess it is just that incredible. HE BELIEVES IN ME. and He believes in YOU.
Now when I feel overwhelmed by classes or life and get a feeling that I don't have what it takes to be all that God has called me to be, it's like God whispers "I believe in you" to me at just the right time. Because God believes in me, I'm starting to believe in myself more and more. I'm choosing to believe in what God says and not what others say. I'm choosing to believe that I have what it takes to be all that God has called me to be.
So, for anyone out there who is down and feel like they don't have what it takes, remember this simple statement..."He believes in You."
Monday, October 4, 2010
"Glory to God"
"Take my life and let it be all for You and for Your glory, take my life and let it be Yours."
I'm sure a lot of you had heard Steve Fee's song "Glory to God" by now. If you haven't, you need to check it out. It's incredible.
The first time I heard this song was the Summer of 2009 at BigStuf camps where I was working as an intern. I fell in love with it and the lyrics immediately. This song has become my prayer. The last couple of times I have been to church, we have sung this song. But these last couple of weeks, God has been showing me something new, and he has used this song to get to me.
At the end of the song it says "Take my life and let it be ALL for YOU and for YOUR glory, take my life and LET IT BE YOURS."
For the longest time when I would sing this song I would be like "okay God, use me to do something great for you so I can give you glory." It was kind of like I expected for good stuff to happen to me so I could bring God glory because of it.
But these last couple of weeks God has been revealing himself to me even more. As I was singing this at church this week, God revealed a new concept to me. When I sing "take my life and let it be all for you and for your glory, take my life and let it be yours," it doesn't mean that God can only use my life for his glory when the good things are happening in my life. Yes, He does use the good things to bring Him glory, but He also uses my brokenness, sadness, heartbreak, and suffering. He uses everything for his glory. After God revealed this to me, the way my heart sings this song has changed. Instead of saying "okay God, use me to do something great for you so I can give you glory" has changed to "okay God, do what YOU want in my life so your glory can be revealed best." The incredible thing about God is that he can use fragile, imperfect, broken people for his glory. When something good happens, God wants us to glorify Him. But when we are going through a rough patch in life, we are called to glorify Him even in those moments when life doesn't make a lot of sense. It is an incredible testimony when someone can say "I was broken, sad, and hurting, but God put me pack together, gave me unspeakable joy, and healed me." From this day forward, my prayer is "God, do in me what YOU want, when YOU want it, where YOU want it." I'm choosing to give God the glory for every single thing in my life--even when I don't understand why something is happening or when I am hurting.
"TAKE MY LIFE AND LET IT BE ALL FOR YOU AND FOR YOUR GLORY."
I'm sure a lot of you had heard Steve Fee's song "Glory to God" by now. If you haven't, you need to check it out. It's incredible.
The first time I heard this song was the Summer of 2009 at BigStuf camps where I was working as an intern. I fell in love with it and the lyrics immediately. This song has become my prayer. The last couple of times I have been to church, we have sung this song. But these last couple of weeks, God has been showing me something new, and he has used this song to get to me.
At the end of the song it says "Take my life and let it be ALL for YOU and for YOUR glory, take my life and LET IT BE YOURS."
For the longest time when I would sing this song I would be like "okay God, use me to do something great for you so I can give you glory." It was kind of like I expected for good stuff to happen to me so I could bring God glory because of it.
But these last couple of weeks God has been revealing himself to me even more. As I was singing this at church this week, God revealed a new concept to me. When I sing "take my life and let it be all for you and for your glory, take my life and let it be yours," it doesn't mean that God can only use my life for his glory when the good things are happening in my life. Yes, He does use the good things to bring Him glory, but He also uses my brokenness, sadness, heartbreak, and suffering. He uses everything for his glory. After God revealed this to me, the way my heart sings this song has changed. Instead of saying "okay God, use me to do something great for you so I can give you glory" has changed to "okay God, do what YOU want in my life so your glory can be revealed best." The incredible thing about God is that he can use fragile, imperfect, broken people for his glory. When something good happens, God wants us to glorify Him. But when we are going through a rough patch in life, we are called to glorify Him even in those moments when life doesn't make a lot of sense. It is an incredible testimony when someone can say "I was broken, sad, and hurting, but God put me pack together, gave me unspeakable joy, and healed me." From this day forward, my prayer is "God, do in me what YOU want, when YOU want it, where YOU want it." I'm choosing to give God the glory for every single thing in my life--even when I don't understand why something is happening or when I am hurting.
"TAKE MY LIFE AND LET IT BE ALL FOR YOU AND FOR YOUR GLORY."
Monday, September 20, 2010
Matthew 6:34
I've always told myself that I am that girl that "lives in the moment." I've always believed that I am the type of person to take things one day at a time. I always thought that I focused more on the present than the future.
The past month that I have been away at OSU, I find those three statements to be completely false about me.
Since I've been away at school, I realize that I don't live in the moment. I don't take things one day at a time. I focus more on the future than the present. I have spent countess hours worrying about school-assignments, tests, etc. I worry about what my grades will look like at the end of the semester or my college career. I worry that I don't have what it takes to be successful in my major. I worry that I'm not good enough for this. I just plain worry. And what is so ridiculous is everything I worry about is in the future. On most days you will find me saying to someone that "I just want to graduate and start teaching/coaching." But once again, that is so far into the future.
Does anybody get what is completely wrong with this picture? I am not focused on the present whatsoever. I am worried about what could happen in the future. But, God calls me to live in the present. He calls me to live in the now. He calls me to live for today. So why am I so wrapped up in what the future holds and why do I worry about it so much? Why am I not living for today?
The past couple of weeks, I feel like God has been trying to get this point across to me in my life. And yesterday, this concept just slapped me in the face. All this worrying I am doing is doing absolutely nothing for me. I don't want to look back in 10 years and see that in college the only thing I did was worry about my future. That will get me nowhere. I want to look back on my life in 10 years and notice that I lived in the moment. I lived day by day. If I am spending all my time worrying and thinking about the future, I am going to completely miss out on what God has planned for me NOW.
God has so much planned for me today. The present. Now. And while He does have a plan for me in my future also, He wants me to focus on his plan for me now. There are people he wants me to come into contact with and show His love to...today. There are people He wants me to meet and speak encouraging words into their lives...today. There are people He wants me to be a light to...today. He has called me to be Jesus to others...today. He has called me to bring Him glory in every little thing I do throughout the day...today. He has called me to include Him in my everyday life...including today. He has asked that I go to Him when making decisions...today. He has asked that I not worry...today. He asks that I bring him all my burdens and cares...today. See where I am going with this? He is calling me to live for today and not focus on the problems or worries of tomorrow.
The verse that keeps coming back to me is Matthew 6:34 (Message version):
"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."
From this day on, I chose to live for today. I chose to live in the present. I chose to live for NOW. I'm not going to worry about what may or may not happen in my future. I'm thankful that God has my future figured out and I don't have to worry about it. I am also thankful that He has TODAY figured out for me and He is with me every step of the way.
"You told me not to worry about what lies ahead, so I am gonna focus on today instead, making every moment count and counting every single blessing..." -Natalie Grant
The past month that I have been away at OSU, I find those three statements to be completely false about me.
Since I've been away at school, I realize that I don't live in the moment. I don't take things one day at a time. I focus more on the future than the present. I have spent countess hours worrying about school-assignments, tests, etc. I worry about what my grades will look like at the end of the semester or my college career. I worry that I don't have what it takes to be successful in my major. I worry that I'm not good enough for this. I just plain worry. And what is so ridiculous is everything I worry about is in the future. On most days you will find me saying to someone that "I just want to graduate and start teaching/coaching." But once again, that is so far into the future.
Does anybody get what is completely wrong with this picture? I am not focused on the present whatsoever. I am worried about what could happen in the future. But, God calls me to live in the present. He calls me to live in the now. He calls me to live for today. So why am I so wrapped up in what the future holds and why do I worry about it so much? Why am I not living for today?
The past couple of weeks, I feel like God has been trying to get this point across to me in my life. And yesterday, this concept just slapped me in the face. All this worrying I am doing is doing absolutely nothing for me. I don't want to look back in 10 years and see that in college the only thing I did was worry about my future. That will get me nowhere. I want to look back on my life in 10 years and notice that I lived in the moment. I lived day by day. If I am spending all my time worrying and thinking about the future, I am going to completely miss out on what God has planned for me NOW.
God has so much planned for me today. The present. Now. And while He does have a plan for me in my future also, He wants me to focus on his plan for me now. There are people he wants me to come into contact with and show His love to...today. There are people He wants me to meet and speak encouraging words into their lives...today. There are people He wants me to be a light to...today. He has called me to be Jesus to others...today. He has called me to bring Him glory in every little thing I do throughout the day...today. He has called me to include Him in my everyday life...including today. He has asked that I go to Him when making decisions...today. He has asked that I not worry...today. He asks that I bring him all my burdens and cares...today. See where I am going with this? He is calling me to live for today and not focus on the problems or worries of tomorrow.
The verse that keeps coming back to me is Matthew 6:34 (Message version):
"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."
From this day on, I chose to live for today. I chose to live in the present. I chose to live for NOW. I'm not going to worry about what may or may not happen in my future. I'm thankful that God has my future figured out and I don't have to worry about it. I am also thankful that He has TODAY figured out for me and He is with me every step of the way.
"You told me not to worry about what lies ahead, so I am gonna focus on today instead, making every moment count and counting every single blessing..." -Natalie Grant
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
A New Chapter Begins
I can't believe it's finally here. I am leaving home tomorrow to go to OSU. It feels like I have been waiting for this moment for years. I am closing one chapter in my life and starting a new one. I can honestly say that I am so excited to see what God has planned for me these final two years of college at OSU. I can't wait to see where He leads me. I can't wait to see what people He places in my path. I can't wait to learn all that He has to teach me. I just can't wait.
Because I am leaving tomorrow, it got me thinking of all the incredible people and opportunities I am leaving behind in Tulsa.
I am leaving behind my incredible Momma. This woman is amazing. Seriously. She is my biggest fan and I am so thankful to not only call her my Mom, but also one of my best friends. I know I can talk to her about anything. She loves me at my best and my worst. She is an incredible example of what it looks like to love others the way that Jesus loves. She is a shining example of that by how she treats her students. I love coming home at night and sitting down and just talking to her. She is such a blessing in my life.
I am leaving behind my amazing daddy. He is the reason I want to be a P.E. teacher and a coach. The way he genuinely cares for every single one of his athletes is so inspiring. He is so full of wisdom, it's ridiculous. He has taught me so much about what it looks like to sprint after Christ and putting Him first in every thing I do. He shows me this daily by example. He is the one who constantly reminds me that "your ministry is wherever God has you AT THAT MOMENT." He is the best. hands down.
I am leaving behind my awesome brother. It has been such a blessing having him at home for the summer. I love talking to him and sharing stories. I am seriously blessed to have Josh has my brother.
I am leaving behind my grandparents who make me laugh more than anyone else I know. Any time I am around them, I can't help but smile. They have always been huge supporters of me, and might win the title for being my biggest fans.
I am leaving behind FamilyChurch. I am leaving behind the youth group and the girls in my small group. Those girls are incredible, and will, no doubt, change the world..they already are.
I am leaving behind a coaching job on SwimTulsa that I absolutely love. SwimTulsa is such an incredible team, but the people on it are what make it incredible. It was such a blessing to have a job that I loved. I loved all the relationships I was able to form from coaching on that team.
I am leaving behind friends who mean the world to me. Friends who build me up when I am feeling down. Friends who love me no matter what.
It feels like I am leaving a lot behind. But I look forward and see that I am also gaining a lot as well.
I am gaining an incredible roommate, Cortney, who has such an amazing love for Christ. Her goal is to make Christ famous in her life and she lives that out every single day. She is an awesome friend and I know I can go to her any time I need to and she will listen to me.
I am finally going to go to the same school as Jill. We've been friends forever and that girl is a huge blessing in my life. I love talking to her about life and swapping stories. I love how she is in love with Jesus, and it's so obvious when you talk to her.
I get to volunteer at one of the most incredible churches around-LifeChurch.tv. I am so excited how God is moving in that church and I am excited that I get to be apart of it. I am so excited to work with the kids and help them get a better understanding of who Jesus is.
I am gaining a whole new set of memories that will last a lifetime.
Although I am leaving behind a lot, I am also gaining a lot. I know, 100%, that OSU is where God wants me. I am supposed to be on that campus for a reason and I can't wait to see what that reason is. I want to be a light where there is darkness. I want to bring hope to the hopeless. I want to be the hands and feet of Jesus.
Thinking about tomorrow brings out so many emotions in me. Excitement. Happiness. Fear. Anxiousness. and so many others. I am sad to leave so many incredible people behind, but I know God has big plans for me in Stillwater. I am ready to get this new and exciting journey started... :)
"LORD, whatever you want, wherever you want it, and whenever you want it, that's what I want." -R. Baxter
Because I am leaving tomorrow, it got me thinking of all the incredible people and opportunities I am leaving behind in Tulsa.
I am leaving behind my incredible Momma. This woman is amazing. Seriously. She is my biggest fan and I am so thankful to not only call her my Mom, but also one of my best friends. I know I can talk to her about anything. She loves me at my best and my worst. She is an incredible example of what it looks like to love others the way that Jesus loves. She is a shining example of that by how she treats her students. I love coming home at night and sitting down and just talking to her. She is such a blessing in my life.
I am leaving behind my amazing daddy. He is the reason I want to be a P.E. teacher and a coach. The way he genuinely cares for every single one of his athletes is so inspiring. He is so full of wisdom, it's ridiculous. He has taught me so much about what it looks like to sprint after Christ and putting Him first in every thing I do. He shows me this daily by example. He is the one who constantly reminds me that "your ministry is wherever God has you AT THAT MOMENT." He is the best. hands down.
I am leaving behind my awesome brother. It has been such a blessing having him at home for the summer. I love talking to him and sharing stories. I am seriously blessed to have Josh has my brother.
I am leaving behind my grandparents who make me laugh more than anyone else I know. Any time I am around them, I can't help but smile. They have always been huge supporters of me, and might win the title for being my biggest fans.
I am leaving behind FamilyChurch. I am leaving behind the youth group and the girls in my small group. Those girls are incredible, and will, no doubt, change the world..they already are.
I am leaving behind a coaching job on SwimTulsa that I absolutely love. SwimTulsa is such an incredible team, but the people on it are what make it incredible. It was such a blessing to have a job that I loved. I loved all the relationships I was able to form from coaching on that team.
I am leaving behind friends who mean the world to me. Friends who build me up when I am feeling down. Friends who love me no matter what.
It feels like I am leaving a lot behind. But I look forward and see that I am also gaining a lot as well.
I am gaining an incredible roommate, Cortney, who has such an amazing love for Christ. Her goal is to make Christ famous in her life and she lives that out every single day. She is an awesome friend and I know I can go to her any time I need to and she will listen to me.
I am finally going to go to the same school as Jill. We've been friends forever and that girl is a huge blessing in my life. I love talking to her about life and swapping stories. I love how she is in love with Jesus, and it's so obvious when you talk to her.
I get to volunteer at one of the most incredible churches around-LifeChurch.tv. I am so excited how God is moving in that church and I am excited that I get to be apart of it. I am so excited to work with the kids and help them get a better understanding of who Jesus is.
I am gaining a whole new set of memories that will last a lifetime.
Although I am leaving behind a lot, I am also gaining a lot. I know, 100%, that OSU is where God wants me. I am supposed to be on that campus for a reason and I can't wait to see what that reason is. I want to be a light where there is darkness. I want to bring hope to the hopeless. I want to be the hands and feet of Jesus.
Thinking about tomorrow brings out so many emotions in me. Excitement. Happiness. Fear. Anxiousness. and so many others. I am sad to leave so many incredible people behind, but I know God has big plans for me in Stillwater. I am ready to get this new and exciting journey started... :)
"LORD, whatever you want, wherever you want it, and whenever you want it, that's what I want." -R. Baxter
Friday, August 13, 2010
Bucket List
Okay..so everyone else is doing this.
I've had a Bucket List going for a few years now. Some things have been crossed off and others I can only pray I will get the opportunity to complete.
I've been thinking about this list a lot lately. I think it's because I am getting ready to start a new chapter in my life and that has me thinking about everything I want to accomplish in my life before I die. I want to be known as that girl who lives life to the fullest and has no regrets-who isn't afraid to chase after her dreams or try new things.
So..giving into peer pressure, I am posting my Bucket List...
1. Make "A" finals at State (completed-I think this is my only one from high school)
2. Be a BigStuf Intern (completed Summer '09)
3. Learn how to snowboard
4. Complete a triathlon
5. Go to a Chicago Cubs game at Wrigley Field
6. Swim with dolphins
7. Learn how to surf
8. Travel to Kenya (completed Summer '09)
9. Meet Lekumok (completed Summer '09)
10. Visit the Grand Canyon
11. Watch an Olympic Event (preferably swimming) in person
12. I want to fall in love and marry a godly man who loves Christ more than he could ever love me
13. I want to be apart of a movement to change the world
14. Go back to Kenya and work in an orphanage/the slums
15. Learn how to ballroom dance
16. Go whitewater rafting
17. Climb a mountain
18. Run a 5k in a race
19. I want to roadtrip across the United States with friends
20. Go parasailing
21. Help someone else accomplish something off their Bucket List
22. I want to be that P.E. teacher/coach that is so incredibly supportive of their athletes and will stick up for them no matter what. I want to teach student athletes the importance of being physically fit, but teaching them about Jesus along the way. I want to be Jesus to them. I want to make a difference in their life.
23. Fly on an airplane (finally completed Summer '09)
24. Go to Oregon simply to see the Nike headquarters
25. Live my life for Christ every single day. "When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me." ~Erma Bombeck
I've had a Bucket List going for a few years now. Some things have been crossed off and others I can only pray I will get the opportunity to complete.
I've been thinking about this list a lot lately. I think it's because I am getting ready to start a new chapter in my life and that has me thinking about everything I want to accomplish in my life before I die. I want to be known as that girl who lives life to the fullest and has no regrets-who isn't afraid to chase after her dreams or try new things.
So..giving into peer pressure, I am posting my Bucket List...
1. Make "A" finals at State (completed-I think this is my only one from high school)
2. Be a BigStuf Intern (completed Summer '09)
3. Learn how to snowboard
4. Complete a triathlon
5. Go to a Chicago Cubs game at Wrigley Field
6. Swim with dolphins
7. Learn how to surf
8. Travel to Kenya (completed Summer '09)
9. Meet Lekumok (completed Summer '09)
10. Visit the Grand Canyon
11. Watch an Olympic Event (preferably swimming) in person
12. I want to fall in love and marry a godly man who loves Christ more than he could ever love me
13. I want to be apart of a movement to change the world
14. Go back to Kenya and work in an orphanage/the slums
15. Learn how to ballroom dance
16. Go whitewater rafting
17. Climb a mountain
18. Run a 5k in a race
19. I want to roadtrip across the United States with friends
20. Go parasailing
21. Help someone else accomplish something off their Bucket List
22. I want to be that P.E. teacher/coach that is so incredibly supportive of their athletes and will stick up for them no matter what. I want to teach student athletes the importance of being physically fit, but teaching them about Jesus along the way. I want to be Jesus to them. I want to make a difference in their life.
23. Fly on an airplane (finally completed Summer '09)
24. Go to Oregon simply to see the Nike headquarters
25. Live my life for Christ every single day. "When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me." ~Erma Bombeck
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
"The smallest thing can make all the difference.."
I know that everyone has seen those commercials on t.v. of organizations asking you to "sponsor" children in other countries for "just a dollar a day." I know the majority of people are quick to ignore those-I used to be one of those people. But, something changed in me a few years ago.
I was at BigStuf Camps as a camper the summer before my senior year of high school when God got ahold of my heart. He called me to sponsor a little boy in Kenya thru the organization Compassion International. The things I heard at camp that week completely broke my heart for the children and people of Kenya. I wanted to do something to help. I was excited to begin sponsoring this little boy, but the longer I started sponsoring him, the more I always wondered if what I was doing was really helping. In all honesty, there were some months that I didn't want to give up my money to help pay for this little boy. I liked to think I was making a difference in this boy's life, but I really had no idea.
Well, as most of you know, back in May of 2009, I was given the opportunity to travel to Kenya and meet precious Lekumok face-to-face. As soon as I saw him and met him, I immediately knew that me sponsoring him made a HUGE difference in not only his life, but his family's lives also. I remember feeling guilty for even doubting what Compassion International does for those children. I got to meet this little boy, his parents, his siblings, and his friends. I got to see his school and even had the rare privilege of visiting his home. Lekumok is the sweetest boy who comes from a family living in poverty. He lives in a tiny hut where his family of 9 must fit. In order to get to school he has to WALK an insane amount of miles just to get there-and when school is over, he must walk all those miles back. I remember when I was in Kenya, we drove to his home, and I wanted to complain about how long the DRIVE was. Talk about how spoiled I am. To us in America, all these things mentioned seem like a negative living situation to us. But let me tell you, Lekumok is a thankful boy. He is thankful to have a roof over his head, even if it is just a hut. He is thankful to go to school. Going to school is not a thing that every person gets to participate in. He gets to go to school because of the work of Compassion International. Compassion helps him get food and clean water along with medical care. And most importantly, Lekumok gets to hear about and experience the love of Jesus Christ on a daily basis. After my trip to Kenya last year, I am more convinced then ever that Compassion International makes such a huge difference in the lives of the sponsor children as well as their families.
Just a few short days ago, I was once again reminded of how incredible the organization Compassion International is. I got a letter in the mail from Lekumok. When I first started sponsoring him, a translator would have to write the letters for him. This letter was written all by himself. That is a huge deal. Here is what the letter says, word for word:
Rachel,
How are you? I am fine and my family is fine too. I am now in grade four. I was number 15 of 26. Pray for me to do well. How is your family? Thank you for coming to see me. Greet your family. I love you.
That may not seem like a big deal of a letter, but trust me, it is. Just a couple of years ago he could not even write a letter, and now he is writing by himself. He is excelling in school. His family is doing great. And has he has mentioned in other letters, he is in love with Jesus. Him being in love with Jesus Christ makes my heart smile so much. And that last part of the letter made my tear up. Big time. I love you. Wow. Thanks for that, God! I could not be more excited about the work Compassion International does for these kids. I am so blessed to be Lekumok's sponsor and am so incredibly thankful for him. I have learned so much about joy from him and love him so much!
Thank you, Compassion International, for every single thing you do for these children.
I think Carrie Underwood's song "Change" best explains Compassion... "The smallest thing can make all the difference.."
Want to know more about Compassion International? Go to www.compassion.com
I was at BigStuf Camps as a camper the summer before my senior year of high school when God got ahold of my heart. He called me to sponsor a little boy in Kenya thru the organization Compassion International. The things I heard at camp that week completely broke my heart for the children and people of Kenya. I wanted to do something to help. I was excited to begin sponsoring this little boy, but the longer I started sponsoring him, the more I always wondered if what I was doing was really helping. In all honesty, there were some months that I didn't want to give up my money to help pay for this little boy. I liked to think I was making a difference in this boy's life, but I really had no idea.
Well, as most of you know, back in May of 2009, I was given the opportunity to travel to Kenya and meet precious Lekumok face-to-face. As soon as I saw him and met him, I immediately knew that me sponsoring him made a HUGE difference in not only his life, but his family's lives also. I remember feeling guilty for even doubting what Compassion International does for those children. I got to meet this little boy, his parents, his siblings, and his friends. I got to see his school and even had the rare privilege of visiting his home. Lekumok is the sweetest boy who comes from a family living in poverty. He lives in a tiny hut where his family of 9 must fit. In order to get to school he has to WALK an insane amount of miles just to get there-and when school is over, he must walk all those miles back. I remember when I was in Kenya, we drove to his home, and I wanted to complain about how long the DRIVE was. Talk about how spoiled I am. To us in America, all these things mentioned seem like a negative living situation to us. But let me tell you, Lekumok is a thankful boy. He is thankful to have a roof over his head, even if it is just a hut. He is thankful to go to school. Going to school is not a thing that every person gets to participate in. He gets to go to school because of the work of Compassion International. Compassion helps him get food and clean water along with medical care. And most importantly, Lekumok gets to hear about and experience the love of Jesus Christ on a daily basis. After my trip to Kenya last year, I am more convinced then ever that Compassion International makes such a huge difference in the lives of the sponsor children as well as their families.
Just a few short days ago, I was once again reminded of how incredible the organization Compassion International is. I got a letter in the mail from Lekumok. When I first started sponsoring him, a translator would have to write the letters for him. This letter was written all by himself. That is a huge deal. Here is what the letter says, word for word:
Rachel,
How are you? I am fine and my family is fine too. I am now in grade four. I was number 15 of 26. Pray for me to do well. How is your family? Thank you for coming to see me. Greet your family. I love you.
That may not seem like a big deal of a letter, but trust me, it is. Just a couple of years ago he could not even write a letter, and now he is writing by himself. He is excelling in school. His family is doing great. And has he has mentioned in other letters, he is in love with Jesus. Him being in love with Jesus Christ makes my heart smile so much. And that last part of the letter made my tear up. Big time. I love you. Wow. Thanks for that, God! I could not be more excited about the work Compassion International does for these kids. I am so blessed to be Lekumok's sponsor and am so incredibly thankful for him. I have learned so much about joy from him and love him so much!
Thank you, Compassion International, for every single thing you do for these children.
I think Carrie Underwood's song "Change" best explains Compassion... "The smallest thing can make all the difference.."
Want to know more about Compassion International? Go to www.compassion.com
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
God Knows Best
I've had so many thoughts going through my head lately. And the thoughts that keep coming back to me are these: God loves me. He knows me. He cares about me. He holds me. He comforts me. He knows what I need before I do. He knows what is best for me.
I've had situations throughout my life where I have prayed prayers to God, only to have them answered in a completely different way than I wanted. I would be upset. I wouldn't understand. I didn't get why God answered them differently than the way I wanted. But, all those times God has made it clear why he answered my prayers the way he did. And looking back, those answers were best for me. He knows what is best for me. Always. And recently, he has done that again.
I won't go into detail about it, but I am more convinced than ever that God knows my heart, He knows what is best for me, and He has my best interest in mind. I thought I knew what was best for me..but, God is revealing His plan for my life to me and I am so excited about the journey God has for me. He is revealing to me why He chose for me to go to OSU. Back in August, I prayed that I would go to a school in Tulsa and stay here. His answer? Oklahoma State University in Stillwater. Not what I was exactly asking for. A couple months later, I asked Him to send me back to BigStuf for the summer. His answer? Not BigStuf, but Tulsa for the whole summer. Once again, not the answer I was hoping for. Up until the past couple of weeks, I still didn't understand why He answered those two prayers with a no. But now, He is revealing to me why He chose to answer my prayers the way He did.. I am finally seeing His thought process when answering my prayers. And I finally see that all along, He knew best. He knows best.
Last week was a rough one for me. I was having a difficult night and turned my radio on. Jonny Diaz's song "Waiting Room" came on and it could not fit my situation more perfectly. Here is some of the song:
Here in this waiting room yearning for You to say go
And though I'm convinced that a yes would be best
This time You're telling me no
It's not that I don't have an answer
It's just not the one that I'd like
But through this time Lord I must keep in mind
You're always wiser than I
You have a much better purpose
And You have a far greater plan
And You have a bigger perspective
Cause You hold this world in Your hands
At the end of this song, it says "When that miracle comes cause Your answer is yes, I will praise You for all of my days. But when Your wisdom declares that a no is best, I will praise You just the same."
I still lift up situations in my life to God, and being selfish, I ask Him to answer them the way I want them answered. But now, when my prayers aren't answered the way I want them to be, I am choosing to praise Him for the no. I am choosing to praise Him for the answer that is on the way. I am choosing to praise Him for the answers I don't understand. Because, I know that one day his "no" to my request will make sense. He knows what is best for me and I am trusting in that. He has proved himself faithful through every single event and situation in my life, and I would be foolish to not trust in Him and his perfect timing.
Thank You God for teaching me so much these past couple of weeks. Thank You for reminding me that You know me better than I know myself. You know my heart. You know my desires. You love me. You guide me. You comfort me. You give me peace. You have a plan for me. Thank You.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you, not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11
I've had situations throughout my life where I have prayed prayers to God, only to have them answered in a completely different way than I wanted. I would be upset. I wouldn't understand. I didn't get why God answered them differently than the way I wanted. But, all those times God has made it clear why he answered my prayers the way he did. And looking back, those answers were best for me. He knows what is best for me. Always. And recently, he has done that again.
I won't go into detail about it, but I am more convinced than ever that God knows my heart, He knows what is best for me, and He has my best interest in mind. I thought I knew what was best for me..but, God is revealing His plan for my life to me and I am so excited about the journey God has for me. He is revealing to me why He chose for me to go to OSU. Back in August, I prayed that I would go to a school in Tulsa and stay here. His answer? Oklahoma State University in Stillwater. Not what I was exactly asking for. A couple months later, I asked Him to send me back to BigStuf for the summer. His answer? Not BigStuf, but Tulsa for the whole summer. Once again, not the answer I was hoping for. Up until the past couple of weeks, I still didn't understand why He answered those two prayers with a no. But now, He is revealing to me why He chose to answer my prayers the way He did.. I am finally seeing His thought process when answering my prayers. And I finally see that all along, He knew best. He knows best.
Last week was a rough one for me. I was having a difficult night and turned my radio on. Jonny Diaz's song "Waiting Room" came on and it could not fit my situation more perfectly. Here is some of the song:
Here in this waiting room yearning for You to say go
And though I'm convinced that a yes would be best
This time You're telling me no
It's not that I don't have an answer
It's just not the one that I'd like
But through this time Lord I must keep in mind
You're always wiser than I
You have a much better purpose
And You have a far greater plan
And You have a bigger perspective
Cause You hold this world in Your hands
At the end of this song, it says "When that miracle comes cause Your answer is yes, I will praise You for all of my days. But when Your wisdom declares that a no is best, I will praise You just the same."
I still lift up situations in my life to God, and being selfish, I ask Him to answer them the way I want them answered. But now, when my prayers aren't answered the way I want them to be, I am choosing to praise Him for the no. I am choosing to praise Him for the answer that is on the way. I am choosing to praise Him for the answers I don't understand. Because, I know that one day his "no" to my request will make sense. He knows what is best for me and I am trusting in that. He has proved himself faithful through every single event and situation in my life, and I would be foolish to not trust in Him and his perfect timing.
Thank You God for teaching me so much these past couple of weeks. Thank You for reminding me that You know me better than I know myself. You know my heart. You know my desires. You love me. You guide me. You comfort me. You give me peace. You have a plan for me. Thank You.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you, not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
You Were Chosen
This past Sunday, I went to visit my Uncle Gary's grave with my mom's side of the family. It was the first time for all of us to see the headstone and where he was buried even though he passed away a little over a year ago. I have several other family members buried there as well. While I was there, I started reading the different headstones, the ones of my family members as well as people I didn't even know. I began thinking about these different people that were buried there. I began to think about how all of them had a story. They all came from different backgrounds. They all faced difficulties and struggles throughout their life. They all experienced victories too. They had families. They had friends. They had a life. They had their own story.
One particular headstone stuck out to me more than any of the others. This headstone was for a young girl. This girl died at only 14 years of age. She passed away in the early 1900s and has been absent from the Earth for over a hundred years now. I started thinking about how this girl was a daughter. A sister. A child of Christ. I started thinking about how different life is between a 14 year old girl in the early 1900s to a 14 year old girl growing up in 2010. Life a hundred years ago is completely different to what life is like today. Life would be so tough back then and I became so thankful that I have grown up in the 1990s/2000s. But, I then had a realization. God placed that 14 year old girl in that time period for a specific reason. He had a plan and a purpose for her life. God placed her in a small town in Oklahoma. He placed her with certain people. He placed her in a specific family. He orchestrated specific events in her life. He created her. He wrote her story. And in her story, in order to be used by God best, she had to be a 14 year old girl in the early 1900s. Just like this young girl, we have been placed in the year 2010 for a specific reason. We are not here by accident. We have our own stories that are being written by God. He has a plan and a purpose for our lives. We are a chosen generation for this time. And I don't know about you, but I find that exciting. There is a reason God chose me to be 20 years old, a college student, a swim coach, a small group leader, a daugther, a sister, a friend, in 2010. He chose me to live in Broken Arrow, Oklahoma. He chose us. The GOD OF THE UNIVERSE CHOSE US. Is that good news or what?
Let me just leave you with this reminder- you are loved. you are treasured. you are not here by accident. you are redeemed. you were bought at a price. you are God's. you are here for a reason.
One particular headstone stuck out to me more than any of the others. This headstone was for a young girl. This girl died at only 14 years of age. She passed away in the early 1900s and has been absent from the Earth for over a hundred years now. I started thinking about how this girl was a daughter. A sister. A child of Christ. I started thinking about how different life is between a 14 year old girl in the early 1900s to a 14 year old girl growing up in 2010. Life a hundred years ago is completely different to what life is like today. Life would be so tough back then and I became so thankful that I have grown up in the 1990s/2000s. But, I then had a realization. God placed that 14 year old girl in that time period for a specific reason. He had a plan and a purpose for her life. God placed her in a small town in Oklahoma. He placed her with certain people. He placed her in a specific family. He orchestrated specific events in her life. He created her. He wrote her story. And in her story, in order to be used by God best, she had to be a 14 year old girl in the early 1900s. Just like this young girl, we have been placed in the year 2010 for a specific reason. We are not here by accident. We have our own stories that are being written by God. He has a plan and a purpose for our lives. We are a chosen generation for this time. And I don't know about you, but I find that exciting. There is a reason God chose me to be 20 years old, a college student, a swim coach, a small group leader, a daugther, a sister, a friend, in 2010. He chose me to live in Broken Arrow, Oklahoma. He chose us. The GOD OF THE UNIVERSE CHOSE US. Is that good news or what?
Let me just leave you with this reminder- you are loved. you are treasured. you are not here by accident. you are redeemed. you were bought at a price. you are God's. you are here for a reason.
Friday, May 14, 2010
FEAR
May 13, 2009.
It's so hard for me to believe that date was already a year ago.
I was feeling so many different things that day- happiness, excitement, joy, and most of all fear.
For those that don't know, that was the day I stepped into the BigStuf house in Alpharetta, Georgia to begin my summer internship with BigStuf camps. This was the day I met 15 other college students who I would soon find out would end up being some of my best friends. I met 3 incredible intern leaders who I not only saw as my leaders, but my mentors and family members as well. This was the day that would forever change my life.
This all happened exactly a year ago. Now having all the time between last May and this May, I decided to reflect on what last summer meant to me and how it impacted me and is still impacting me today.
Looking back on what has happened this past year, there is one word that comes to my mind more than any other-fear. Isaiah 41:10a says "Do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God." This is such a powerful verse filled with truth. So why, on this day, was I filled with such fear? I knew that God was with me every step of the way on this internship and I knew He had called me to do this, yet I was scared to death. Scared of the unknown. Scared of what the future had in store for me.
Little did I know, this day was only the first of many that I would be faced with fear.
Fast forward to May 19th. The day I met the most precious little boy in Kenya-Lekumok Kisindi. This happens to be the same little boy that I started sponsoring through Compassion International back in 2007. I was given the opportunity to meet with him, play with him, talk with him, laugh with him, and be a child again with him. Before I had to leave him, I was given the opportunity to pray over his entire family, including his extremely sick sister. For some reason, fear rushed over me. I was scared I couldn't hold it together in front of this little boy. Scared I would say something wrong. Scared that I would mess up this incredible moment that only God could have orchestrated. Just plain scared. Fear caused me to back out of this incredible opportunity and ask one of my other team members to pray instead. My leader, Jackson, pulled me aside and explained to me that this was one of those moments I would regret the rest of my life if I didn't do it. He explained that I had no choice, that I was going to do this, that I was going to face my fear head on. After this quick talk, the family and my team members gathered in a circle to pray for this precious family, and I prayed over them, facing my fears. Tears filled my eyes and I struggled to get through the prayer. But wow, I can honestly say this was the most humbling experience of my life. I am so thankful Jackson pushed me to pray, thankful I didn't give in to my fear, thankful I didn't have to live with regret. Fear has a way of causing us to have regrets. And Jackson, if you are reading this, thank you.
Fast forward to July 21st. This was the day I spoke about my experiences in Kenya to 1500 students at camp. To some people that may not be a big deal. But, to someone who hates public speaking, this was a huge deal. As you can imagine, I was faced with fear once again. I kept thinking my story wasn't good enough, my story wasn't interesting enough, my story wasn't going to keep the attention of 1500 students. Before I went out on that stage I had prayer time with one of my best friends, Karlie. I remember after saying "Amen," I had this amazing peace just come over me. I faced my fears, went out on that stage, and shared about my experience in Kenya, and actually enjoyed it! The same God who created this earth, who parted the seas, and who raised is son from the dead spoke through me. Wow. Wow. Wow.
Now fast forward to August 4th. This was the hardest day. This was the day I had to tell my BigStuf family goodbye. It was time for all of us to take what we learned from serving at BigStuf for 2.5 months and go back to our different parts of the country and put it in action. I once again had fear rush over me. What am I going to do without my BigStuf family? the interns? my leaders? What on earth am I going to do in Oklahoma? After flying home that evening, sitting in my room by myself for the first time in 2.5 months, I realized that this was another one of those times in my life that I had to step out in faith to what God was calling me to do. I realized that this time, I had to do that by myself, and without my BigStuf family. But I also realized that when God calls you to do something, He is going to come through.
Last summer taught me so much. I could honestly go on and on. But the thing God was teaching me over the summer and is still teaching me deals with that one word-fear. Looking back at those experiences I mentioned, I realized that I can't let fear rule me, it has to be faith. God doesn't call me to live fearfully, but faithfully. He doesn't want me to fear the things of this world, but fear only Him. I realize that if I let fear overtake me, I am going to miss out on some incredible things that God has in store for my life. I was scared that very first day of the internship. Part of me wanted to back down. But look at what I would have missed out on if I would have let fear get in the way. I learned that when I place my fears in the hands of God, he takes them over and they are no longer mine. I think a Britt Nicole song, Walk on the Water, describes what I have learned perfectly...
If you take that first step
into the unknown
You know that he won't let you go
So what are you waiting for?
What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities try to alter you
You know you're made for more
So don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes
And you can walk on the water too
Step out, even when a storm hits
Step out, even when you're broken
Step out, even when your heart is telling you to give up
Step out, when your hope is stolen
Step out, you can't see where you're going
You don't have to be afraid
There is so much uncertainty with my future. How will my last two years of college go? Will I get a P.E. teaching job? Will I get a coaching job? Where will I live? So many questions. I'm choosing to not fear the future anymore, but to embrace it. I don't know where I'm going, but I know the ONE I'm following.
Bigstuf interns, leaders, and family, THANK YOU for an incredible summer that started exactly a year ago. Thanks for an amazing ride. I am so blessed to have been able to "do life" with yall for a moment in time. Thanks for being with me through all my times of fear-it means the world to me. Thankful for each and every one you. I love you and miss you all lots!
"If we are afraid of the future, afraid of change, then we will miss out on what God has called us to do." -Jim Ryun
It's so hard for me to believe that date was already a year ago.
I was feeling so many different things that day- happiness, excitement, joy, and most of all fear.
For those that don't know, that was the day I stepped into the BigStuf house in Alpharetta, Georgia to begin my summer internship with BigStuf camps. This was the day I met 15 other college students who I would soon find out would end up being some of my best friends. I met 3 incredible intern leaders who I not only saw as my leaders, but my mentors and family members as well. This was the day that would forever change my life.
This all happened exactly a year ago. Now having all the time between last May and this May, I decided to reflect on what last summer meant to me and how it impacted me and is still impacting me today.
Looking back on what has happened this past year, there is one word that comes to my mind more than any other-fear. Isaiah 41:10a says "Do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God." This is such a powerful verse filled with truth. So why, on this day, was I filled with such fear? I knew that God was with me every step of the way on this internship and I knew He had called me to do this, yet I was scared to death. Scared of the unknown. Scared of what the future had in store for me.
Little did I know, this day was only the first of many that I would be faced with fear.
Fast forward to May 19th. The day I met the most precious little boy in Kenya-Lekumok Kisindi. This happens to be the same little boy that I started sponsoring through Compassion International back in 2007. I was given the opportunity to meet with him, play with him, talk with him, laugh with him, and be a child again with him. Before I had to leave him, I was given the opportunity to pray over his entire family, including his extremely sick sister. For some reason, fear rushed over me. I was scared I couldn't hold it together in front of this little boy. Scared I would say something wrong. Scared that I would mess up this incredible moment that only God could have orchestrated. Just plain scared. Fear caused me to back out of this incredible opportunity and ask one of my other team members to pray instead. My leader, Jackson, pulled me aside and explained to me that this was one of those moments I would regret the rest of my life if I didn't do it. He explained that I had no choice, that I was going to do this, that I was going to face my fear head on. After this quick talk, the family and my team members gathered in a circle to pray for this precious family, and I prayed over them, facing my fears. Tears filled my eyes and I struggled to get through the prayer. But wow, I can honestly say this was the most humbling experience of my life. I am so thankful Jackson pushed me to pray, thankful I didn't give in to my fear, thankful I didn't have to live with regret. Fear has a way of causing us to have regrets. And Jackson, if you are reading this, thank you.
Fast forward to July 21st. This was the day I spoke about my experiences in Kenya to 1500 students at camp. To some people that may not be a big deal. But, to someone who hates public speaking, this was a huge deal. As you can imagine, I was faced with fear once again. I kept thinking my story wasn't good enough, my story wasn't interesting enough, my story wasn't going to keep the attention of 1500 students. Before I went out on that stage I had prayer time with one of my best friends, Karlie. I remember after saying "Amen," I had this amazing peace just come over me. I faced my fears, went out on that stage, and shared about my experience in Kenya, and actually enjoyed it! The same God who created this earth, who parted the seas, and who raised is son from the dead spoke through me. Wow. Wow. Wow.
Now fast forward to August 4th. This was the hardest day. This was the day I had to tell my BigStuf family goodbye. It was time for all of us to take what we learned from serving at BigStuf for 2.5 months and go back to our different parts of the country and put it in action. I once again had fear rush over me. What am I going to do without my BigStuf family? the interns? my leaders? What on earth am I going to do in Oklahoma? After flying home that evening, sitting in my room by myself for the first time in 2.5 months, I realized that this was another one of those times in my life that I had to step out in faith to what God was calling me to do. I realized that this time, I had to do that by myself, and without my BigStuf family. But I also realized that when God calls you to do something, He is going to come through.
Last summer taught me so much. I could honestly go on and on. But the thing God was teaching me over the summer and is still teaching me deals with that one word-fear. Looking back at those experiences I mentioned, I realized that I can't let fear rule me, it has to be faith. God doesn't call me to live fearfully, but faithfully. He doesn't want me to fear the things of this world, but fear only Him. I realize that if I let fear overtake me, I am going to miss out on some incredible things that God has in store for my life. I was scared that very first day of the internship. Part of me wanted to back down. But look at what I would have missed out on if I would have let fear get in the way. I learned that when I place my fears in the hands of God, he takes them over and they are no longer mine. I think a Britt Nicole song, Walk on the Water, describes what I have learned perfectly...
If you take that first step
into the unknown
You know that he won't let you go
So what are you waiting for?
What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities try to alter you
You know you're made for more
So don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes
And you can walk on the water too
Step out, even when a storm hits
Step out, even when you're broken
Step out, even when your heart is telling you to give up
Step out, when your hope is stolen
Step out, you can't see where you're going
You don't have to be afraid
There is so much uncertainty with my future. How will my last two years of college go? Will I get a P.E. teaching job? Will I get a coaching job? Where will I live? So many questions. I'm choosing to not fear the future anymore, but to embrace it. I don't know where I'm going, but I know the ONE I'm following.
Bigstuf interns, leaders, and family, THANK YOU for an incredible summer that started exactly a year ago. Thanks for an amazing ride. I am so blessed to have been able to "do life" with yall for a moment in time. Thanks for being with me through all my times of fear-it means the world to me. Thankful for each and every one you. I love you and miss you all lots!
"If we are afraid of the future, afraid of change, then we will miss out on what God has called us to do." -Jim Ryun
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